Going against conventional wisdom...I watched that ridiculously idiotic My Super Sweet Sixten today.
What the hell was I thinking.
I knew precisely what I was getting myself into. For an hour I sat down and watched two hopelessly overindulged young women enjoying the birthday parties of their dreams....and it made me sick to my goddamn stomach. What follows is a fantasy; what I would do if placed within a few hundred yards of one of these girls.
I would arm myself with a .44 magnum and a large knife. I'd grab the girl by her chemically lighten hair and drag her into the back of a Ford Toreno. At which point I would shoot her in her left kneecap, warning her that her left was next unless she cooperated with my demands. At this pont, I would force her at gunpoint to read from Howard Zinn's A People's History of the United States. Anytime she mispronounces a word containing no less than three sylables, i would strike her in the back of the head with the butt of the gun. While she reads from the book, I take my knife and carve into her forehead. Mostly nonesensical musings about NAFTA's Chapter 11.
As she begs for her life, I'll tie her up and drag her into a room surrounded my mirrors. To prevent her from wincing in agony, I'll slice off her eyelids so she is forced to look at nothing but the mangled remains of her once beautiful body. By this point I expect that she will try to negotiate her way out of her torturous fate. Unmoved by her sudden display of humanity, I'll ripp off her fingernails one by one, perhaps taking with them bits and pieces of her cuticles. Her toenails, no doubt recently decorated with an expensive coating applied by a Korean pedicurist, will also be torn out one by one.
Stay tuned for part two tomorrow!
4 comments:
Torn toenails. Ouch.
Wow, that show sounds absolutely horrendous. Do you feel the need to wash after viewing it?
If My Super Sweet Sixteen pains you, check out Engaged and Underage!
Okay I will admit that I do watch the show from time to time and I do in fact hate all of the girls on it. They seem to get worse from episode to episode. One of the recent ones had a girl who actually made her boyfriend compete with other guys to see who could escort her to the party. She did not choose her boyfriend. These girls really do not deserve to be on this earth. The fact that they get everything they want pisses me off to no end, but I have to say that I think your ranting did scare me a little. I hope you never come into contact with any of them because I would hate to see you in prison for it.
Prison's not so bad. To quote HST, "Many fine books have been written in prison".
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